To Disclose or Not to Disclose?
Exceeds Expectations
“Exceeds Expectations” was a performance review rating that was very familiar to me. I worked hard every year and took great pride in my work and my performance. I looked forward to demonstrating my capabilities by voluntarily taking on new challenges and opportunities that would stretch me. I loved my job and even more, I loved my company.
Depression Diagnosis
That all changed the year I was diagnosed with depression. I was going through a separation. It was the death of my sixteen-year marriage and it all became too much for me. I found myself sad and overwhelmed about my future.
At the time, I didn’t know what to expect from my company. I knew that they were working toward creating a stigma-free culture. I hoped that my situation would be handled compassionately. Regardless, I still struggled with whether or not I should disclose this to my immediate supervisor. I wanted to lead by example. I knew that if I was honest and transparent, I could help to lead the way for others to feel more comfortable talking openly about their mental health at work.
Ultimately, I decided to share with my supervisor that I was diagnosed with depression. Some days were hard. And, other days it was hard to just get out of bed and take a shower. I didn’t share my diagnosis because I was seeking a special accommodation beyond the occasional morning therapist appointment. After all, work had become a haven for me and a distraction. What I was seeking was compassion and understanding at a very low moment in my life. A blip in my career in an organization where I consistently was deemed a dedicated top performer. Unfortunately, compassion was not what I got in return for my courage.
What I Didn’t Know
What I did not know then is that up to 80% of people will experience a diagnosable mental health condition throughout their lifetime. Regardless of the prevalence of symptoms at all levels within the organization, almost 60% of employees will never speak to anyone at work about their mental health condition. To think that those employees have an additional layer of stress in concealing their illness on top of having to navigate their illness seems so unfair.
In my mental health practice, I am frequently asked by employees if they should disclose. In theory, we would hope that their company culture was compassionate and conducive to this level of vulnerability. We would hope that their direct manager would be empathetic and supportive in their response. However, every situation is so different because every company culture and every leader is different.
Before You Disclose
So, what should we know before we disclose our mental health challenges at work? There is a good bit to consider. The primary issue that employees have in not disclosing is that they forgo proactive accommodations that could help during the recovery journey. Simple accommodations early could prevent personal turmoil and the organization’s extra workload. However, if a mental health stigma is present in the workplace culture the fear of being judged or perceived as weak or less capable will deter employees from speaking up. Additionally, many high performers have strengths that can manifest into mental health challenges. This is more common than we think.
Have a listen to my interview with Employment Attorney, Alix Rubin. She shares valuable words of wisdom and important considerations for employees who are contemplating disclosing in the workplace.
Assess Your Company Culture
Additional thoughts to consider in disclosing would be looking at your own company culture. Are your organizational leaders talking about mental health? Is there a Mental Health ERG at your company that you can connect with for employee peer support? Then ask yourself who you would feel comfortable disclosing to. If you don’t feel like you have a trusting rapport or are comfortable with your leader, you may wish to talk with HR or another manager. Psychological safety is important to have with whomever you chose to speak. Also, understand how much sharing you feel comfortable with. Go into the conversation knowing what you want to share and what you do not want to share.
I have learned that at the end of the day, organizations can have remits and goals of having a stigma-free culture and being a mental health “friendly company.” That is all great and the optics around that are quite appealing from the outside. However, the face of every organization is its people leaders. How they lead will impact every one of their direct reports. How I felt about my job and my company shifted because of the actions of one leader. That is a very important lesson to remember. Compassionate leadership can make all the difference for someone who is navigating a challenging time in their life. It has the power to strengthen an employee’s bond with their job and their company and even breed loyalty.
On the flip side, it is also important to recognize that this may be fairly new for everyone including your leader. So, give them grace in navigating this to the best of their ability. Try to assume good intent even if they seem awkward and unsure of what to say. Give yourself grace as well. Remember that only you can make your mental wellness a priority so that means you need to take steps to protect it daily.
